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MEfA Montessori Blog

Affect - emotional regulation in relationship

25/10/2021

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The ability to regulate affect (emotion) competently is not an innate capacity, but rather learned in and beyond infancy with attachment figures (Schore, 2003). Intense negative and positive emotional experiences that are beyond the capacity of the child to self-regulate are managed (co-regulated) with the help of the care-giver. Through the process of emotional regulation in relationship, the child's ability for self-regulation is developed and enhanced." Handbook of Infant Mental Health, 3rd Edition 2012 Chapter 28, p.457
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The Teacher

13/10/2021

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​[The] teacher must know and experience in her daily life the secret of childhood. Through this she arrives not only at a deeper knowledge, but at a new kind of love which does not become attached to the individual person, but to that which lies in the hidden darkness of this secret. When the children show her their real natures, she understands, perhaps for the first time, what love really is. And this revelation transforms her also. It is a thing that touches the heart, and little by little it changes people. Once these facts have been seen ... nothing can cancel the impression their spirits have made and the love they were able to awaken.
- Dr. Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind
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What is ‘attitude’ and why is it important?

13/10/2021

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​It is attitude that determines how children react to adversity, overcome challenges, create bonds with others and how they learn. It has an important role to play in defining a child’s later life outcomes – for example, how they will perform on a personal level in school, the wider social world and at work. It is attitude that determines how children react to adversity, overcome challenges, create bonds with others and how they learn. It has an important role to play in defining a child’s later life outcomes – for example, how they will perform on a personal level in school, the wider social world and at work.
 
We need to raise children’s awareness of the importance of building a positive attitude and how responding in the right way can have a positive impact on their futures.
 
Carl Gustav Jung, the Swiss psychoanalyst described ‘attitude’ as an individual’s ‘state of mind’ – a responsive expression towards something, which in turn influences the individual’s thoughts and actions, and is therefore an important consideration in every child’s education.
 
It is important to value each child, to identify their aptitudes and support them in areas where they need support, which includes building positive character or personality traits.
 
Celebrating a child’s effort recognises that they have worked hard, tried challenges, tried new strategies, and learned something about themselves that they can take forward.
 
Children need to experience enthusiasm and inspiration at school and have access to positive role models. If they feel valued in this way, they will, in turn, value others.
 
Our school, as with many other schools in London and other big cosmopolitan cities, supports children and families from a diverse range of backgrounds, with a big mix of cultural attitudes. This influences children and can be confusing for them. Therefore we must  provide support for children and their families to build self confidence, raise children’s aspirations, and guide them going forward.
 
We do this by building determination, tenacity, and providing opportunities to try new things and understand that ‘getting it differently’ – not ‘wrong’ or ‘failing’ is often part of the process towards success.
 
Whole class challenges are perfect for developing resilience and strength of will, as well as collaboration, consideration for others, empathy and better communication skills. 
 
Empowering children with a sense of independence, and giving them control  and responsibility for their own choices and actions, demonstrates that their success is not  determined by others. Success lies in their own hands. Students with the right attitude go far.
 
The impact of a child’s attitude on achievement and life chances is profound. We know that positive thinking has many physical, mental and emotional health benefits, and children respond with a good attitude when they experience a well prepared environment where they can visualise a positive outcome from every scenario before even starting. 

This happens naturally at MEfA Montessori where all the curriculum activities are set out on open shelves for the children to choose from. Most of our children are excited to work toward the goal of the activity - success really matters - it helps to build a strong personality and character.

On the other hand we sometimes hear negative words from a child and then we dig deeper into the meaning behind the dialogue, asking, "What's holding you back?" "How can I help?" This shows the child that we are in it together. We play the role of the child's biggest fan and this influences children's levels of confidence. With an "I can" attitude the child gradually replaces negativity with positivity. Our belief in our students (and their parents) helps them to learn new skills, knowledge and understanding - and to acquire a good attitude and thirst for learning. It's a win, win all round.

Wendy Fidler, Head of School/Academic Director

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The Teacher

1/9/2021

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Picture

Co-regulation – the foundation for kindness
 
There is no such thing as a small act of kindness – every act creates a ripple effect. Kindness is a skill that takes many years to develop and refine. Consideration, respect and generosity are among the complex skills required to become a kind person.
Children do not simply ‘learn’ kindness, they need to live it. Kindness develops best when we are purposeful about building it, and environments that harbour and harness kindness are the most effective in building kind children.
Kindness raises other’s wellbeing and can also increase our own feelings of happiness and satisfaction. Serotonin and dopamine levels rise as we display kindness, improving mood and decreasing stress.
The links between nature and kindness are well known - spending time in nature encourages kindness and generosity. The great outdoors calms us and boosts our wellbeing; it is entirely understandable that key skills linked to wellbeing are encouraged and supported as we spend more time outside.
Kindness cannot grow where there is dysregulation. In order for children to become self-regulators, the adults around them must support children’s potentially turbulent early years through steady, loving support which is, namely, co-regulation.
In this way children learn to understand their own feelings, they calm themselves after emotional episodes and find strategies to help them in the future.
Co-regulation is at the heart of empathy. It not only calms and supports children, but it also models kindness; it gives children opportunities to see kindness and empathy in action on a regular basis. This builds a slow, sure and steady understanding of the experience of kindness.
However, it is not possible for adults to model kindness if they are unregulated themselves, especially when feeling low and particularly anxious and our amygdalae hastily enter into flight or flight ‘defence mode’.
Learning to be regulated is a life-long skill, but particularly necessary today in our world of COVID and uncertainty. 
Kindness grows where there is sustained and intentional effort to build it. Kindness is the product of back and forth interaction and engagement, where heart and mind together have an emotional response, rather than a learned social behaviour.
The power of modeling and building kindness is profound. It may not be simple, but it is realistic and achievable – let’s start building kindness ambassadors today!


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What we are not teaching our boys about being human

12/8/2021

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There is a bizarre absence of fully realised human beings in our boys’ fictional worlds.
 
Our girls will likely have read or watched hundreds of stories framed around people, their friendships, relationships and emotions, their internal dramas and the competing emotional needs of others.
 
But, as a mother of boys, this people-driven story feels oddly alien. As toddlers they were quickly funneled into a vehicle-only narrative reality where human dilemmas may be explored through the emotional lives of fire engines, bulldozers and the occasional stegosaurus. 
 
As they aged out of digger demographic, they transitioned seamlessly into one dominated by battles, fighting, heroes, villains and mainly ‘saving the day’.
 
This narrative world contains almost no emotional complexity, negotiating, nurturing of friendships or internal conflict i.e. none of the mess of being a real human in constant relationship with other humans.
 
This lack of positive people-focused stories for boys has consequences both for them and for girls. In the narratives they consume, as well as the broader cultural landscape in which they operate, girls get a huge head start on relational skills, in the day-to-day thorniness and complexity of emotional life. 
 
Probably, because of this difference in socialisation, boys score lower than girls of the same age on  virtually all measures of empathy and social skills, a gap that grows throughout childhood and adolescence. 
 
The impact on boys mental health is also likely to be significant; from a young age girls’ friendships tend to be more intimate, deeper and more emotional focussed, providing a support structure which is often lacking for boys.
 
The stories we tell become our emotional blueprints; what we come to expect of ourselves and others and how we engage with our lives; in the vast majority of situations we are likely to encounter in the course of a lifetime, there is no hero or villain.
 
Understanding how to navigate that with grace and skill is the beating heart of human connection.
 
Wendy Fidler, MEfA Montessori School, Forest School and Well-being Garden
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A Walk in the Park - Being in Nature is truly refreshing in a very deep, meaningful way

10/5/2021

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Most of us know intuitively that Nature is good for us; just being in Nature can give us an emotional lift and a walk in the park can calm and restore us. This is something historically we have taken for granted in parks and recreation because we have known it to be true ever since we started spending time in Nature.

Recent research reported in the British Journal of Sports Medicine provides scientific proof that walking in Nature and spending time under the leafy shade of trees causes electrochemical changes in the brain that can lead people to enter into a highly beneficial state of “effortless attention”.

The researchers from Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh state that “happiness, or the presence of positive emotional mindsets, broadens an individual’s thought-action repertoire, with positive benefits to physical and intellectual activities, and to social and psychological resources.”

This mental benefit - happiness - occurs in individuals who are engaged in play, exploration, or other discovery type activities. 

One interesting aspect of this research is how it confirms a theory concerning the ‘soft fascination’ of Nature. In The Experience of Nature: A Psychological Perspective,researchers Stephen and Rachel Kaplan deconstruct what they call ‘the restorative experience’ – of being lifted outof a state of mental fatigue, which is most often accomplished by ‘getting away’ or ‘escaping’ from stressful environments and situations.

In the process of escaping from mental fatigue, there are certain types of restorative experiences that seem to transcend others and produce multiple benefits – one of which is the ‘fascination’ that occurs when an individual is immersed in Nature. Entering the state of effortless attention can occur in a variety of ways – walking in the woods, hiking along a trail in a totally natural environment, or sitting by a stream watching water tumble over rocks. 
The experience of being in Nature is transformative in and of itself; it can cause our emotional state to be uplifted and good mental balance to be restored. Being in Nature is truly refreshing in a deep, meaningful way 
When we enter a green space of natural light and shadows containing the colours of Nature, we can also enter a particularly reflective mode during which we can comprehend more than one thing at a time, a state in which stresses and pressures are reduced. We are able to enjoy multiple sensory stimuli and perceptions even when we are thinking about other things.

All in all, being in Nature can provide a fully restorative experience – a walk in the park may be the most beneficial thing we can do for our mental and physical health.
 
 
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Best Friends Forever?

17/8/2020

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Before we head back to school it's a good time to help children examine their relationships with their peers.

There is so much that children have missed over the lock down period, but many were happy to skip the BFE, 'tween' and 'teen' dramas.

The physical and emotional distance from their friends has allowed children to reflect on which of their friendships they wish to take with them and which they wish to leave behind in the new school year.

We can ask our children what friendship really means to them - which three words come to mind?  Whether you ask this to a group of children, or your own child, it allows children to come up with descriptors such as, 'kind', 'loyal', 'trustworthy' or 'stands up for you'.  Ask, "When you think of your three best friends do they have these qualities?"

This type of question enables children to pay attention to their gut feelings - feelings that emerge as a kind of summary of their experiences and expectations that might otherwise be hard to put into words.

When children become mindful of how they feel, think and act when they are with specific people they learn to trust themselves.  Focusing on other children's positive traits helps them to discern who adds value to their life rather than fixating on who steals their joy.

Practising curiosity and pulling back from judgement keeps adults connected with children, without making children feel that we are criticising their choices; we have to allow them to make their own decisions.

Offering children compassion and empathy through their experiences keeps you connected and helps children to work through their feelings.

There will be positive and negative consequences from the social isolation that children and families have experienced during lock down, but there are also opportunities for growth that we can carry forward into our 'new normal'.
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Emotional Implications of a return to school ...

5/7/2020

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​MEfA Montessori School is planning to reopen in September 2020 and, for the majority of our children, this will be after an absence of six months.

We understand that when we do reopen some of our adults and children will be nervous. Many of our children have enjoyed their time at home with their parents and siblings - but others have become edgy and anxious.

We have been blessed with a lovely sunny Spring and early Summer and many of us have spent a lot more time in nature than we have been able to do before. 

Many families have sent us photos and videos of their children indoors baking, crafting and constructing - and outdoors cycling, gardening and enjoying nature walks.

During the lock-down, I have spent most afternoons nurturing our beautiful Forest School/Well-being Area and I can testify to the benefits of gardening for mental, physical and emotional well-being.

In the early weeks back at school children (and adults) will be tired, and as any parent knows, this can result in irascible behaviour.

We will be sharing risk assessments and protocols with the whole school community which will bring comfort to those who may be worried about the transmission of infection.

Although the UK international travel restrictions are gradually reopening, we still have families who have been 'stranded' abroad for almost four months. These families will face additional challenges as and when they are able to return.

All of this will bring challenges, but we are totally focussed on making the return to school for our children and adults a truly nurturing experience.

Soon we will be bringing the 2019-2020 school year to a close; do please keep sending us your family news and photos!




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Beyond 100 days ...

29/6/2020

 

Tuesday March 17th was a tearful day for our parents and teachers alike. We decided to close our beautiful MEfA Montessori School, days ahead of Government guidance for all schools to close, because of the rapid spread of the COVID-19 virus.
 
During the past 3.5 months we needed to cancel the MEfA Montessori Waldon Therapy Training, the 2020 Alumni Conference, our Summer Party and the Graduation Event for Cohort 20 of the MEfA Montessori post graduate SEN CPD course, Part 1: A Blueprint for Observation
 
We have also cancelled the September 2020 Cohort of Part 2 of our training. At present our Annual Conference for Parents and Professionals is still scheduled for October – let us see what the pandemic situation is, and whether anyone wants, or is allowed, to travel to busy events.
 
2020 is the 150th Anniversary of the birth of Dr Maria Montessori. We had planned to travel to Chiaravalle and Rome (Italy) during the summer to attend celebratory conferences. Also, Autumn term plans to run MEfA SEN training in Pondicherry (India) and Bergen (Norway), and the annual Nienhuis Montessori Retreat in Zelham (Holland) have all been cancelled/ put on hold.
 
On 29th June 2020, the Government decreed that all schools in England will reopen with full classes in September. Happily, as we are a charity, we do not come under the auspices of this legislation. We ‘locked down’ before it was mandatory to do so, and we will most likely ‘unlock’ a little later – after we see what transpires.  Our current plans are to reopen slowly in September.
 
Siebert Road, our vehicular access road, has been designated a Greenwich School Street - Invicta Primary School is accessed by this street. A School Street is closed to motor vehicles at drop off and pick up times. This means that we will not have vehicular access to our Montessori Forest School and Well-being Area between 08:00 – 09:30 and 15:00 – 16:00, causing some issues for staff arriving and leaving and anyone needing access during these times.  

There will be a consultation about whether to make the scheme a permanent fixture. It is likely that we will contribute to say that the disabled bay opposite our school gates will be inaccessible during the planned ‘school streets’ times. https://www.royalgreenwich.gov.uk/info/200259/transport_and_travel/2047/school_streets   
​
We have been gradually opening our Forest School and Well-being Area – outdoors only – and several staff and families (socially distanced of course) have come to explore the bounties of our fruits, flowers, veggies and general loveliness outdoors. We have sweet peas, eating peas, broad beans, runner beans, coco beans, courgettes, tomatoes, sweet and chilli peppers, radishes, carrots and beetroots. And (although we should never start a sentence with ‘and’ or ‘but’) lots of lovely flowers – also our grapevine, apple tree and lemon tree.
 
We had a bit of a wobble when we received an email from our website host on 29th May to tell us that they were closing in one month! The cavalry arrived! We are forever indebted to our lovely neighbour Vicky Rubery who helped us to design and migrate the website and emails you can now see at www.montessorieducationforautism.com   office@montessorieducationforautism.com
Let's wait and see what's beyond 100 days ...

  
      

    wendy fidler

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